fodrizzle. Ana Claudia Antunes, If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Kurt Philip Behm, The reason they call it golf is that all the other 4 letter words were used up. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" If it is the dirty element that gives pleasure to the act of lust, then the . It's included here because of the hilarious mental image it evokes. 47 Hilarious Quotes About Driving. After 18 holes, I can barely walk. Perhaps it's the depth of (often negative) emotion the average golfer feels as a result of the game that inspires him to wax poetic. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? Your email address will not be published. What did Master Yoda say when Luke sliced the ball onto the next fairway over? ), 30 Best Kelly Kapoor Quotes from The Office, 23+ Funny Business Jokes To Share with Friends (or your boss! Play golf. The other 20. Where is the best place to go on vacation? Never try to keep more than 300 separate thoughts in your mind during your swing. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. 6. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. "If everything was given to you, it wouldn't feel as good when you achieve it." Annika Sorenstam 24. Any birdie will do. Many a golfer prefers a golf cart to a caddy because it cannot count, criticize, or laugh. I Am Shuvo Saha. The famed author of Centaur, John Updike wrote about the gentleman's game with some regularity. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Golfing? I just got a call my wife has had a life threatening car accident and Im worried I might not make it.. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. You must be over 18 years old to visit this site. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. 2. On a golf course, nature is neutered. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. And maybe that same element inspires the poets, writers and artists to pay homage to golfor at least lament its cruelty. Just tap it in. Why do golfers carry a spare pair of golf shorts? The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. What is the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball lost in the rough? Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. I just dont know where I fit in. Beth Daniel, 37. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Whats the best quality in a golf partner? "Give me golf clubs, fresh air and a beautiful partner, and you can keep the clubs and the fresh air.". George B. Kirsch, Nothing dissects a man in public quite like golf. Andrew Barton Paterson, A boss once told me, Colleen, its not about the meeting, its about the scotch after the meeting. Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. My doctor told me I cant play golf. Oh, when did he play with you?. Concentrate on the one fault you want to overcome. Sam Snead, 55. Many golfing terms sound naughty. Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. The formula for success is simple: practice and concentration, then more practice and more concentration. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 19. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. Find the ball. 20. Fore-get Me Nots. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. And, on top of that, the winner buys the drinks. Not sure who said it, but whoever did understands the game, at times, doesnt make much sense. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. But you cant just forget not to think. Clubbing. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. P.G. He looked at his caddie and said, Ive played so badly all day, I think Im going to drown myself in that lake., The caddie, quick as a flash, replied, Im not sure you could keep your head down that long.. Whats the easiest shot to make in golf? If you worry about the ones you missed, you are going to keep missing them. Walter Hagen, 47. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. Its almost a law. You're more beautiful than a hundred pink flamingos on a golf course. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Because he walked into the wrong club! He's the one getting his balls cleaned. Your support helps us to write more entertaining articles for you and all joke-lovers , Now, enough talking, lets swing this thing. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. "Hockey is a sport for white men. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? A married couple were golfing when all of a sudden the wife asks, Wife: Honey, if I die, will you marry again?, Wife: Will you let her sleep in our bed?, Wife: Would you even let her use my golf clubs?. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. He was puttering around. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Well, what can you really say about the great Chi Chi Rodriguez's quote? Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. P.G. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Golf is the easiest game in the world. ", 1. Fear comes in two packages fear of failure, and sometimes, fear of success. Tom Kite, 21. James Murray, Enjoyment of golf, regardless of the level you play at, is primarily based on how closely you play to your level of ability. Jordan is a golf lover and the founder of Cyber Caddie. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. You "Putt" Me In A Great Mood. David Brenner, For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball. 8. I give him the driver. Get in the hole! I like to go low. 2023, 35 BEST Lionel Leo Messi Quotes (About Life, Work, and Football That Will Inspire You), 53 Cristiano Ronaldo Motivational Quotes (About Football, Hard Work, Life, and Family), Best Summer Captions and Quotes (for Family and Friends), 54 Helpful Business Quotes for Growth and Success. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf He said. Which is the easiest golf stroke? Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. Were done with golf puns and jokes, but well leave you with a bonus the top 10 not actually dirty golf innuendos: What are some of your favorite golf puns? The next pint in the clubhouse is on me! So what are you waiting for? The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Spread your legs shoulder width, that's the first step to a successful golf swing. Lee Trevino. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. First and foremost, you must have confidence. P-U-T means to place a thing where you want it. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. If you are caught on a golf course during a storm and are afraid of lightning, hold up a 1-iron, not even God can hit a 1-iron. again, Lee Trevino, who would know a thing or two about lightning strikes considering he was stuck by it on the course. 1. Golf is about how well you accept, respond to, and score with your misses much more so than it is a game of your perfect shots. Dr. Bob Rotella, 64. The means are as important as the ends. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. You shot an eight. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? Youre too out-of-shape to play in the church softball league. With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. How the heck did that happen? Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. A hole in one of a kind model. GOLF DIGEST MAY EARN A PORTION OF SALES FROM PRODUCTS THAT ARE PURCHASED THROUGH OUR SITE AS PART OF OUR AFFILIATE PARTNERSHIPS WITH RETAILERS. You dont know what pressure is until you play for five bucks with only two bucks in your pocket. Lee Trevino at his best. Philip Wyeth, Hitting down is an important part of iron play. "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? Golf is such an individual game, and no two people swing alike. Kathy Whitworth, 14. What is a golfers favorite bird? Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. Fantastic 4-some. Joe Torre, It is not possible to play golf consistently well without sound mental skills. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. Please sign up with your best email address. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. How do you know a golfer is cheating on his wife? I'll let you beat me. In golf as in life, it is the follow through that makes the difference. Anonymous, 34. Whos there? "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Regardless of time, place, situation, event, or occasion, it is in our human nature, to learn and express. But there is a difference between playing well and hitting the ball well. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? Golf is a game invented by God to punish people who retire early. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. It means, in so many words, that if you can golf when the wind is blowing youre a man; if not, youre still a boy. Golf is a game that is special and unique in that there is always something to learn. when we were married," said the pouting wife. Lorii Myers, Long, long afterward, in a whin / I found the golf-ball, black as sin / But the five shillings are missing still! A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Furthermore, the old man moves along without wasting any time. He couldnt stop puttzing around! I enjoy this bit of golf/life wisdom. Dont even putt. Dean Martin, need we say more? Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. It has taken me nearly forty years to discover that I cant play it. Try choking donw on the shaft. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. If I learn that you are a fan of diving - I would suppose that your psychological portrait includes such features as curiosity, patience, and insistence. "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off." Bruce Lansky 15 of 50 Scott Halleran/Getty Images "On a recent survey, 80 percent of golfers admitted cheating. His comment gets at a few things: the wondrous and fascinating aspects of the game and its tendency to make bold-faced liars of its participants. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. Golfing is a lot like masturbation. Mini Golf Captions. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Nothing it should have ducked. Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. A great shot is when you pull it off. if (year<1900) {year+=1900} document.write(year); - Mickey Mantle. For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for statistical purposes. Golf Quotes About Life 22. How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? 150 Puns From All Walks of Life. Is everything okay?. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. When your golf cart capsizes. Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. I had a terrible round today, I only hit two good balls, and that was when I stepped on a rake. Your competitors are not allowed to hinder you, as they are in other sports. Because they might get a slice. Whos there? My drives aren't always long and straight. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? They dont have the heart for it. Your email address will not be published. These words carry the feeling for those you care about and those who care about you. 4. Keep your head down. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Steve Bann, It is surely quite superfluous to mention / To a person who has been here half an hour / That Golf is what engrosses the attention / Of the people, with an all-absorbing power. Could you in the moment quiet your thoughts and execute? Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! happen again! He also starred with the equally late and great Walter Matthau in one of my favorite movies, Grumpy Old Men. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? I stepped on a rake. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. . Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. Correct one fault at a time. 2. "The reason a pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing.". Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. ~ Sijin Bt. Fear shows up when there is an enlargement of the pupils. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? How I Lost Weight Playing Golf & Other Golf Benefits, Golf And Fitness Tips from a TPI Golf Fitness Instructor, How to Improve Your Handicap and Golf Game, How To Know What Golf Club to Use on the Golf Course, Goal Setting is a Great Way to Improving Your Golf Game, Best Putters for Women 2023 Find the Best Ladies Putters, Black Friday and Cyber Monday Golf Discounts. How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. 21. Dean Martin, He loved the game. Gone golfin' be back dark thirty. It's not the size of your putter that counts, its how many strokes you take. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Whats the difference between golf and sex? ~ George Bernard Shaw. the flag cant jump. I like big putts and I cannot lie. Hit the ball. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! Check out these hilarious jokes that are guaranteed to make you smile. About 160 yards was his reply. Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. I promise to lick your balls clean and polish your shaft before and after each use during the upcoming golf season. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. At the golf corpse! Your second mental problem is concentration. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. 6. Moe Norman, ALL of us play our very best game / Any other time / Golf or billiards, its all the same / Any other time / Lose a match and you always say, Just my luck! Golf is like doing your taxes. Why do golfers hate cake? Chuck Hogan, Dont play too much golf. Putter Around. Don't worry to do dirty jobs. I never prayed that I would make a putt. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Photo: Shutterstock. Nothing. I've got some good news. And now it will be poisoned for you. As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. See you in the Email! 63 Archery Pick Up Lines for Bows & Arrows, 23 Table Tennis / Ping Pong Pick Up Lines, 79 Marching Band and Color Guard Pick Up Lines. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. Why did Arnold Palmer get beat up? Nuts! Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? Why dont grasshoppers play golf? -Bob Hope Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. -Happy Gilmore. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Sir W.G. In case he gets a hole in one. 19. What does masturbation and 4 putting have in common? 3 of 10. Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. I once played a course that was so tough, I lost two balls in the ball washer! Would you like to see my Slazenger along with my freshly cleaned balls? Damn, girl. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. If you break 80, watch your business.". The end. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Knock, knock If a man comes home with sand in his cuffs and cockleburs in his pants, don't ask him what he shot. You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember Twelfth son of the Lama. It will dazzle and baffle you with highs and lows, successes and frustrations. Amy Alcott, 18. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. Here is a list that I have compiled over the years of my some of my favorite golf quotes. I was off to-day! If you break 80, watch your business. Funny Family Poems. What kind of model is Paige Spiranac? Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Go back in time and start playing at a younger age. Because he thought every day he needed to play around. 7. G.K. Chesterton, I dont like to watch golf on television because I cant stand people who whisper. 4. Touch is something you create by hitting millions of golf balls. I had a hole in nothing. I was actually enjoying it. 21. 3. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. We share them in our weekly newsletter. Youngman is credited with inventing the "Take my wifeplease" trope. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Two, be your own person. What do you jot down if you dont remember if you hit a 6 or a 7? What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? My three keys to success: One, work hard. What does a golfer do on his day off? It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. Clubbing. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Watch their eyes. had to choose, right ? Such is the game. Boo who? They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Raymond Floyd. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? I'd say how hard do I hit it, he'd tell me and I'd swing. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? It takes a lot of balls to play golf knowing you're a bad golfer. And there are windmills. We have a threesome, care to join us? What hot new enhancement pill can you use to beef up your game? Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Wodehouse How we get there is as important as where we go. Old Tim Morris, 6. "I'm the best. The man took a step back from his ball, closed his eyes and said a quick prayer. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. They have a hard drive. By stragetically placing fire hydrants. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. The guys who come In a way, this quote is a stand-in for the entire volume of comedic wit and great golf quotes in Caddyshack. The lowest score wins. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. When is it too wet to play golf? Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Grizzly bear droppings have small bells, golf-gloves, sunglasses and other similar golf items in them and they usually smell like pepper spray. Ben Hogan, To find a mans true character, play golf with him. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. A smart shot is when you dont have the guts to try it. Phil Mickelson, 4. I give the ball some sweet talk. Dirty Golf Sayings. ), 50 Funny Marketing Jokes That Will Increase Business Sales, 15+ Easy and Funny Animal Riddles for Kids (with answers) 2023, 79 HILARIOUS Holiday Jokes For A Jolly Mood, 49 Jokes about Teachers and Students (that work like Science: Always get a reaction), 27 Ultimately Happy Quotes to Make your Day A-okay! He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. As he is about to tee off, an old gentleman shuffles onto the tee and asks if he can join him. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. However, every person playing the game has the basis of good mental skills for golf. Lee Trevino, 59. So we finish the 18th, and he's gonna stiff me. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Simpson, Most people play a fair game of golf If you watch them. Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes.