No one else would put up with me like he does. All that being said, I dont know what to do with the emotions that I have bottled up for 50 years and that are now alive and well along with all the what ifs. His timing sure sucks and he did say that whatever I decide, he would be fine with. Last night, i told him i have to get off for a while with my online life since the hubby is coming home to stay for a week before he leaves again. My husband and I only dated in a long distance relationship. This period is temporary! One day this summer he layed his hand on my knees saying I have great legs. My spouse is still abusive emotionally and mentally. I ended up marrying someone else, and it was after this that we actually became close friends. Once again, its all about seeking clarity! But my roomate made me feel loved, wanted and needed in less time than the 5 years of being with my husband. " A Red, Red Rose " by Robert Burns. He said he would stop so I gave him the benefit of the doubt and mostly because I didnt want to break up our family (at this point we had 2 daughters). Hi Em, I understand that this is a tricky situation. Only you can make that decision. A simple example of this is eating whatever you feel like eating right now because it tastes good, without thinking of the consequences it will have on your health later on. Hi JJ, thank you for sharing your story. I love you. My husbands a good father nd tries to take care of me as much as he can but then he doesnt take care of my emotional needs. I also fell in love with someone who I worked with for a short time; I literally fell in love with him the first time I met him. And letting him have sex with me and I hate every thing about it. Some have chosen their lover and have been very happy. We separated (even though we continued to talk everyday and spend time together) and he met this girl on bumble a couple of days after leaving. It may be hard for you to know that you're in this situation when you're married, but in love with someone else. Off limits, he says, requiring me to keep strictly proffesioal level talk or it will be all over. We dont have children yet, but we want to. If you can make people feel important in a genuine way, then you can really reinforce the bond between you. I thought we would be married, but one day i woke up and decided i just couldnt do it anymore. When you see the person you love fall in love with someone else, it can break you. I have been afraid to leave the marriage with fear of what he might do. He says he loves me but he is in love with her. It seems they thought they would just do as the please and live a responsiblity free life and I would just hand the kids over for visits when he felt like. My husband works out of town and I found out he had been having an affair. I need help.. My husband and I have always been very close. When you got married to your husband or your wife, you thought that you were in it for the long haul and that the love that existed between you would never be threatened. The heart is a definitely complicated thing. Yet I cant divorce my husband due to social stigma and potential effect on the children for not being with their biological dad. In their law separation will affect their children very badly not only emotionally but economically. I am so torn, as I love both my ex and my husband, but I dont know what to do. You can help this process by setting some boundaries with the other man or woman. I would recommend a private coaching session in order to go into more detail regarding your current relationship with your wife. I have not lived my spouse for about 6 years. After a year of my marriage I realized that it was always my high school friend I was in love with and I still love him till the present day, its the same for him as well. How were you feeling in your marriage before this other person came along? He either speaks frankly of his married life or avoids any mention of it. I am at the point where i dont wanna try anymore. I have just stuck it out for the kids. If you're committed to making your marriage work, keeps asking, What is it going to take to be this fully expressed and alive me IN my marriage?. I am separated from my husband but we still live under the same roof in separate parts of the house because were not in a good financial position to be approved for new rental places of our own. When you arein love with another manor woman who is not your spouse, is important to look at how this happened. Ive been reading a lot on the internet about this kind of situation, but almost all of it is about how to choose or what to do, if YOU fell in love for someone else. My husband and I have been slowly falling out of love for years now. I had a long talk with the mother of my kids and we settled out our differences and we talked about whether we were still in love with eachother after 20years of being apart and come to find out we both are. Be careful with how much you allow, because you are in essense teaching someone how they can treat you. And last night, my guy told me, he just wants me to be honest with myself and to not let other people treat me as a doormat and put myself first. The key tosaving a marriageafter something like this happens, is to pinpoint where exactly the disconnect came from. I love your concept on working on your marriage, but want out. John, I would like if we could talk because it sounds like I am in your wifes situation. I cheat on my husband and became pregnant. You still feel a form of love and attachment to your spouse (otherwise you might not be reading this article right now), but at the same time you are drawn to this new person. He changed my perspective on everything. Keep your friendship with your lover because friendship is long lasting than any love. But that doesn't mean there's no coming back. But still I stayed because I was now pregnant with our 3rd daughter. Last but not least, you need to really think about how this is going to affect your own life. We are happy but I still have those feelings for the other person. Its been 12 years since the last time Ive dated this guy and I didnt think anything would happen considering he is married and has a daughter. Im feeling like a train wreck. But is it my fault then? He was everything I wanted and needed. Even threw a hypothetical scenario at our pastor and our pastor explained certain things. He also wants to marry me. A way to help you choose I dont want to leave my husband and destroy my family, but I also know that the way Im feeling in my marriage now isnt how I want to feel forger. He finds reasons to be where you are. What do I do? So I often dont say anything. Im completely in love with her she is wonderful and makes me feel so alive.- she wants to be with me but as yet we havent met up again. Everything would be perfect if one, or both of you, wasn't MARRIED. Wishing you all the best, Wow its the best to work out things with your husband because the most affected will be the children in case of a separation and no grantee that that new love will not fade anyway . The solution at this juncture is to think about what you need in order to be truly happy: Your current marriage or being free of it? I know things can be diifuclt but we are here to help. So I learned who I am, I studied, I got a good career, Im very interested in psychology and love to talk and philosophize. Husbands parents live with us and have created huge problems between us. " Love " by Elizabeth Barrett Browning. I decided at that point after a 2hr pnico/anxiety attack that I couldnt take it anymore. Menu. That said and as I mentioned above, the fact that a person may develop serious feelings for someone other than their spouse does not automatically mean that they lose feelings for their spouse. It would be unfair to yourself and your partner to stay in something only because you do not want to hurt them. I am so lost without him; I feel like he was brought in to my life for a reason. Now Im left with a decision of leaving my 20 year marriage knowing Im not in love with my husband or trying to sort it out but a bit pessimistic about it working. So, what would your ideal marriage look like? He lives far away but I have never felt closer. The connection is undeniable to both of you. One day a guy I knew from HS messaged me about current events and made the comment my husband and I looked happy and he was happy for us, that Chad was a lucky man. We never broke. Release Calendar Top 250 Movies Most Popular Movies Browse Movies by Genre Top Box Office Showtimes & Tickets Movie News India Movie Spotlight. We shared our feelings of late a year ago what we have been feeling and missing for more than a decade now. I do not know what to do. Marriage makes you one with your spouse. If you want to save your marriage, you absolutely can. When you got married, you probably thought you were in it for the long term and that your love for your spouse would last forever. So Ive kept all this in. Wishing you all the best in life and love. I know that in the long run my best friend would make me happier. But when life is forced to start and plans will have to be made with this girl He will see how our marriage was good. Watch Paul explain this issue and learn how . But during the time of coronavirus my close friend and I have spent a lot more time together. Sure, we all have our own characteristics and personalities, but we are influenced by them; not controlled by them. 3. Each and every one of us has their our love language and when we arent speaking the right one to each other, it can be easy to develop a disconnect and you might find that yourmarriage is suffering. As I explained, it is very easy to let the flame sizzle out by not maintaining the love between you. I reconnected with an old friend and I have fallen in love with him. I encourage you to check out the product we have created specifically for this situation, as it will help you to lay out the proper foundation. So now Im stuck in a marriage I hate. I talk to him but when hes made up his mind it doesnt matter what anyone says. Wishing you all the best, root issue(s) is/are, what youre willing to do about it, what your husband is willing to do I told him that I am afraid if our working relationship turns into a physical one. Though you have to be in contact with him, you can still make sure that you arent texting or interacting with him when you dont need to be. Many times, when there is a disconnect between the two people in a marriage, one of them will seek comfort and validation from another person. After telling people we were separated, a dear friend admitted his feelings for me and he is amazing, I have a lot of love for him but I never had an affair. When you think about the person that you have fallen in love with, who also happens to not be your spouse, you might be feeling like youve never experienced love like this before, youve never been loved like this before, and no one will ever understand you as well as this person does.