How is it going with the communication now. This one has been definitely the hardest for me to deal with. It's pathetic, but true. How do you deal with him not loving you anymore, he felt unappreciated, he started heavily texting another married woman for over a month, and you dont have anything in common? I get $700 a month for 3 years and $25g from her 401k. We didnt argue, had some physical relations which I thought meant she was bisexual. My oldest (6 at the time) came downstairs crying and gagging, I continually asked what was wrong and as she caught her breath she explained mommy was kissing another man and he was sleeping in my bed. Living in forgiveness will free you from some of the hurt in your divorce and allow you to move forward more healthily. Im shutting down. Every day I feel like Im about to die inside. I like CassieDbut its getting to be almost a half of a year since she has posted. Everyone keeps saying mid life crisis. Good riddance this is over. In this type of love, how others view us is more important than how we actually feel. You knew I would beg at your feet. He says he takes all bad things & works them for the good of those who believe. You will probably find things thaT you might enjoy to do that you could not do before. Im having problems inmy marriage righy now. maybe all you can do is find the best in good people and treat yourself and them with respect. I feel betrayed n disappointed. I dont get it for you either. I reached out to her parents for support. He is so evil, my family went with me to get my things and said he looked sick and crazy, not the person they thought they knew. Has anyone given you a chance to tell your side of the story? My fianc and I live far away from each other and maybe see each other every other weekend. His family dont know what happens prior to him arriving alone, but I feel realy awkward and dont want them to think that Im snobbing them out. It feels a bit embarrassing to except the money that she wants me to have, but at this time with my current situation, I need it. Marriage values need to be seriously overhauled in this country or lets just start raising our kids to be cheaters and narcissists because thats what everybodys becoming anyway. And worst of all, my spirit is broken. She says she is doing this for our marriage. He did not handle all of it well and went behind my back and hired an attorney, took a large amount of money out of our savings and then a couple months later filed for divorce, all while living with me and our family, going to counseling and being intimate with me. I feel exactly the same as you Im so pissed now she plays it off again like its all me and the kids beg me to stay (someones gotta give them attention.. Thats to far below her 2hr bath time every night. I just dont know if I should let her go and TRY to move on or keep fighting for her. The kids are with her in the parents house. The sadness consumed me like an angry fire I couldnt put out. She told me she had more energy than everyone in her family and felt like she was waisting away. How are you doing? I just served him with divorce papers yesterday. You may have your theories as to why he's gone, or he may have given you a reason already, but it all comes down to one core . "You're being ridiculous.". Hey there all. They may have unmet . forgiveness and love unconditionally, but when you are the only one keeping the commandments it is hard. *the relationship feels like too much work. I was willing and able to do what it took, but he was committed to the fact that it wouldnt work. You are young and will have a bright future She told them that they were staying with me, she couldnt afford them. I believe I have behaved exemplary throughout and my heart is broken. The number one rule of Christianity is forgiveness. I feel so antisocial and can barely muster the will to concentrate on a movie. She has quite a few friends and is self reliant. But wow now three months of this has gone by and it only gets worse. I know the feeling I feel so alone. Also found a stack of dram idol vyles under bathroom sink. I am truly sorry to hear that this happened to you. But, at the same time I have been for so many years, and still am, the focus of so much of her hate, scorn, and malice I really dont want live with that type of negativity one more day than I have to I am not a therapist. Hey, I felt like I was wasting his time. Certain stresses have even been alleviated. For 20 years of birthdays and Christmass And everything we built I got a garbage bag of clothes. Now I can begin to say, after roughly four months, that things are feeling better within me, but many things must be done with in our own for our own to fully heal. And I never told her of my past until we started to drift apart sexually after the birth of our second child, which was 6 years into the marriage. Only that is no longer who she is. As a result I decided to leave it as is and work on me, my kids and try to keep my lovely baby growing inside me as healthy and happy as possible. This may help resolve the issue. You still have a chance to fix this. They make promises, to you and your children, and when those promises are . Each counselor has said the same thing, he is focused on himself. Hating him will only make it harder for you to move on with your life and put this marriage in the past where it belongs. Breaks my heart and puts my own unfortunate situation in perspective. Then he makes late night calls and insult me when ever I tried to talk to him about it. I cry every night of the pain I feel. I still work full time. If we move, he doesnt want to stay in the state but, the kind of small town where he would be happy generally has no work which in my view is not a win/win. We can, for sure, take this as a learning experience about ourselves and our relationship needs. Can somebody please help????? Paul W. Paul what did you do to overcome the sadness? You think I wanna sit and have thanksgiving dinner with you? Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. Do not communicate with him as he will only confuse and hurt you more! I still love her since I said I do. He had his stuff, his money his problems. It was my amazing family and the true friends I can now count on my fingers who propped me up. Im a hopeless romantic at heart. Hi.im married to my husband forfor 4 years.i made more money than him.I stuck by him through his madness.Drinking and drugging.He never went for help.I always felt he was doing what he wanted because he just wanted to.I cared for him too much.I let my guard down.He now has a better job and only four months being employed,he says we have nothing in common, we should be friends.He not used to anything.Now he gets another chance of living a better life, hes gone.All he did was lie to me . Then, i had to find a new job to support our family, while he hung out and looked online everyday for 3 months. , Back away and give him space. I believe every situation has a grieving process and mine was about a month ..I smoked heavily and released my anger in the gym till my pain went away. emails me talks to me like these things happen. I know how you feel. I dove back into the deep waters of the person that I had primarily lost, myself. I have recently been told by my wife that she is divorcing me. We have seen these in all of the breakup movies.. Scripture adds. No point of taking her back at all cuz if u do she will do it again. Im truly heartbroken. It seems to me that what your wife has done is about her, not you. Try not to take this too personally, but be sure to address your own accountability as well. Your partner felt like you became more like a sibling than a partner. How to cope: As hard as it is, try not to take this personally. When Depressed Husbands Refuse Help. Shes trying to re-connect with him, I see that, Im not blind. Really she is 60. he gave all these other reasons but they were just excuses for the facts.. thus was about a month ago now. It must be hard especially having little ones. b) they get sick c) you are unfortunate enough to owe them money ( or as they think, owe them a life ) what happens to a child or sibling of one as they grow older. I am 28.after 5 year of marriage my wife left me.our relationship was role model in the society.I had just started to earn the best salary which could be enough for our happy future but she has left me and I think there is value of the money.she was satisfied with every angle including sexual too.but suddenly she changed decision and staying with her parents.cant believe. I said that is fine, i am done with always fighting with you. First of all,thank you for sharing your story. Its like he wants to keep me down. Cleaned up cooked her and the kids dinner and then put them to bed. I asked her to leave after smashing a coffee cup and a lamp. In terms of what I did, I was blind and did not see the signs. I dont temember- FYI Im in NJ. My husband of 5 years told me he no longer loves me about 4 months ago. Guilt that you couldn't help your spouse. You may click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. Wow great article. Part of me thinks shes simply selfish and refuses to work out our problems. I'm not lonely or struggling with my daily tasks. I thought the point of counseling was to speak your mind. If you need someone to vent just reach out to me. That over the life of our marriage, the effects of my early traumas (that were left un-touched and that went unnoticed by even myself) caused the very values that attracted her to me or me to her had changed so much and that she must have been in so much pain herself, that she did what she did to herself, and to me. At some point its not worth wondering about your spouse because you can never really rationalize behavior that stems from this kind of illness. My wife and i have been married for 4 years and together for 5. You may have no kids, but you have all the time in the world for yourself. Heal your ego and your heart first, and then see where you stand with your emotions. Put my foot down and told her if she ditches us again that weekend I would be done. With research saying couples lose the Im so madly in love with you spark after 2 years at most, probably lots of couples wind up feeling like companions. I used to make more money than him and since I got laid off he changed towards me. She has developed feelings for a woman she works with and cannot walk away from her. Then quite quickly our arguments started becoming more fatal & terminal. I have paid for the clothes on his back to the cigs in his mouth since day 1. You want to be loved? I wrote u because I feel your pain. So, i left and walked around, when, i came back, they were not there. Im wondering now if I should have. He literally left me and took my son for almost joint custody. I am on the fence with how I feel and how much more I want to put up with. He said he filed for divorce on April 14. Make her respect you and have dignity..move on get yourself together n this may take time but keep busy and stay active in ur kids life. From this list you can click to view our members full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. I cant imagine that devastation. It stated a picture from FB showing a conversation between my husband and this girl he use to sleep with. Please be strong. Sometimes youve got to just let it go. I am so sorry for you. Set up a lot of reasons why and decided that for insurance purposes, it would be best to wait until my youngest turned 18. Read some of what I wrote I was married for 21 YEARS and mine did the same thing. I lost 11 lbs in less than 2 weeks. One of the best things I heard directed at someone else- A christian man or woman shouldnt violate the conscience of their spouse, I hope some day I will be able to give myself fully to someone again, but it will be a while. He started changing as soon as he graduated. SHOW ME YOU STILL LOVE ME. Its a roller coaster ride. She said that she doesnt want my money.But Im sorry but it is pretty hard to trust her after what she has done.I still love her,after all we have been together for almost 28 yrs. So made loads of effort to make her life more enjoyable. everyday i see her in college she will be busy with someother boys so kindly assist me, how to move on without her. Thats really hard. They may be confused. Any help and opinions would be gratefully appreciated. Found a great new home development where he knew the builder and was talking with the builder about the possibility of a few lots that would become available. She promised she was done . Then there is the one thats left out. Nothing under the sun is permanent. It happened so often I barely paid attention. I have spoke with him hundreds of times about sticking together when problems would arise with the girls. If youre looking for a counselor that practices a specific type of therapy, or who deals with specific concerns, you can make an advanced search by clicking here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/advanced-search.html. He had just told be we were good and he loved me shortly before. I can not have sex with s man who lets his children disrespect me and think everything is alright. I think you need to look inside yourself and ask yourself what you,Dan needs and deserves. I have cried more over the past eight weeks than during my entire life. My life is in a tailspin right now. He wants us to sell our home and buy two places. You can not continue to live this way. I found this searching for some advice. I understand this. It is actually just a natural part of my nature. I know he did this to keep them as Daddys girls. My actually became a Judge in another County. I just dont understand why she would lie to me after all the love weve shared all this time. 10 year rule as a military spouse. Worst day of my life just praying she would come to her senses and save our family. Dont you think you deserve better than that???? Just worry about yourself. To make it all worse, I had no idea. But guilt still plagues me. Too make it short our son had to go with me to pick up her car several times her friends brought her car home once before she drove her car off road through a mailbox into a tree totaled car was able to get past cop because he was looking for signs of alcohol let her manipulate him with a phantom car story and I was not notified until her car was towed to a lot. I am sorry I implied anything else regarding that. My husband of 10yrs left me, said he didnt live me anymore.